It started as a slight flicker, a strange sensation as if a mosquito is moving its wing at high frequency. I ignored it. Next day it increased, it felt as if the passageway inside is as bad as western express highway. Then it hit… with all its force. The bloody cold choked my ears and there I was … half deaf and howling with pain. Everyone was coming with their own advice ofcourse. It has ranged from “Don’t take anything, it will go away” (yeah, right, easy for you to say. I am the one who is already dead with these demons banging their hammers into my ear drum), “take Otec and these antibiotics and follow the whole course beta” to “just put some warm brandy into the ear, and it will clear”.
Personally I liked the last option (due to my inherent attraction towards alcohol I guess), but didn’t have the guts to try it, so stuck to second one… not that it is helping. It is surprising what all comes to your mind when you are lying in a corner howling with pain and can’t help it. At that point of time, precisely these thoughts came into my mind in chronological order:
Ma: Yes, very natural, childish and immature but I wanted Mommy! Nothing more, but just to rest my head on her lap. Sometimes I wonder what I will do when she is gone. Ofcourse she lives like 500km away, but still it is like when love is gone, there is force. When force is gone there is chocolate, and when chocolate also goes away… there is Ma.
Marriage, Babies, X and Y: I am petrified of marriage and contrary to all my friends, who simply adore babies, I am not so gung-ho about them. I like babies for exactly 5 minutes, after that they usually cry, pee, shit or poke their finger into your eye. If I ever made a movie starring me and X and Y what would my picture look like? D says we will have original starcast: sure the credits would run something like starring “me” (fat but can dance well – very important in Hindi cinema), X (balding hero, can deliver mean dialogues) and Y (good looking, in an unconventional sort of way, but needs some practice in romance dept). Hmm… won’t work. Sigh!
What is the first memory I can remember? I back tracked and found out that surprisingly, it neither has my mom nor dad but my grandfather’s brother scolding me in the rain! I don’t remember my age… maybe 2-3 years old and it’s pouring with hailstones and I think I went outside started eating them (hailstones). Maybe it stems from childhood, but I always find hailstones fascinating. When science was a mystery, always thought god is having a snow fight.
No good programme comes on TV when you most need it and lastly
Where the hell is my phone!
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Wondering...
I woke up to rains. Rains always have extreme reaction on me. Either it completely peps me up or it throws me deep into an inky blob of blues. Latter happened today. It is my holiday but have to go to office, client work. It is like God has taken my request of obliterating Mr. X from my life too seriously. He is swamping me with work (upto my eyeballs I think).
All those who wondered (I suspect none though) where I was all these days… well I was doing what I usually do best – procrastinate, ruminate… one I know my brain will turn into a mushroom … rotting the way it does (eeeew… gross thought!). Anyways, giving myself a mental shake I pulled myself out of my bed and started getting ready for office. Work has come back with a vengeance. It is like Dilbert Principle… spot the sucker (me), encourage him/her with crap (me) and then download all the work to her (me), only consolation being my boss has left so I am alone in my pond… good way to show my ‘boss ka boss’ how much I work (doubtful).
Coming to X and Y… I was determined that I should now make up my mind and stick to one (Y ofcourse). Too much of see-sawing happening… but I guess my destiny has other ideas or rather my boredom… after a gap of 2 successful weeks of trying to avoid X like a plague, I gave in to the temptation of meeting him. I thought meeting him will be like you know “who cares?” Surprise, surprise I do… a little. Ok, more than a little… a little more. There are times when you want your man to tickle you physically, but there are times when you want more mental play than a physical one. Contrary to popular opinion, seeing two people at the same time is not always about lust. It is something else. I love talking to X and was symbolically patting my own back that here I am, sitting with him like a nice, good, platonic friend and not even …errr… digressing to other areas. Ofcourse, we both know what comes next but it is like we are gambling … pushing our luck and time till either one runs out.
Sometimes I envy Y. Does he ever go through this? Looking at him I doubt… I mean he is more of a ‘doer’ than a ‘thinker’. I can give my eye and tooth to take a sneak peak into his mind… does he ever drown in the spiral of thoughts the moment he sits idle? Sometimes, I wonder whether all of us live more in ‘ifs’ ‘buts’ and ‘maybe’. It reminds me of what Douglas Adams said in The Hitchhiker’s guide to the Galaxy’ – “He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it”.
Yes, that’s exactly how I feel. I just hope if it is dream, I am playing the lead character ;).
All those who wondered (I suspect none though) where I was all these days… well I was doing what I usually do best – procrastinate, ruminate… one I know my brain will turn into a mushroom … rotting the way it does (eeeew… gross thought!). Anyways, giving myself a mental shake I pulled myself out of my bed and started getting ready for office. Work has come back with a vengeance. It is like Dilbert Principle… spot the sucker (me), encourage him/her with crap (me) and then download all the work to her (me), only consolation being my boss has left so I am alone in my pond… good way to show my ‘boss ka boss’ how much I work (doubtful).
Coming to X and Y… I was determined that I should now make up my mind and stick to one (Y ofcourse). Too much of see-sawing happening… but I guess my destiny has other ideas or rather my boredom… after a gap of 2 successful weeks of trying to avoid X like a plague, I gave in to the temptation of meeting him. I thought meeting him will be like you know “who cares?” Surprise, surprise I do… a little. Ok, more than a little… a little more. There are times when you want your man to tickle you physically, but there are times when you want more mental play than a physical one. Contrary to popular opinion, seeing two people at the same time is not always about lust. It is something else. I love talking to X and was symbolically patting my own back that here I am, sitting with him like a nice, good, platonic friend and not even …errr… digressing to other areas. Ofcourse, we both know what comes next but it is like we are gambling … pushing our luck and time till either one runs out.
Sometimes I envy Y. Does he ever go through this? Looking at him I doubt… I mean he is more of a ‘doer’ than a ‘thinker’. I can give my eye and tooth to take a sneak peak into his mind… does he ever drown in the spiral of thoughts the moment he sits idle? Sometimes, I wonder whether all of us live more in ‘ifs’ ‘buts’ and ‘maybe’. It reminds me of what Douglas Adams said in The Hitchhiker’s guide to the Galaxy’ – “He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it”.
Yes, that’s exactly how I feel. I just hope if it is dream, I am playing the lead character ;).
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