“That feels heavenly, even better than a cup of hot coffee on a cold morning”, I beamed looking at A as I dipped my feet in a tub of warm, soothing, shampoo water. She smiled back and put the tub on ‘vibrating massage’ that is only for people taking the spa pedicure: the advantages of keeping yourself on the good side of your parlourwali. “So, tell me what is happening in your life?” she asked. The combination of an armchair, warm soapy water swirling around your feet may not result in relaxing your feet but it definitely loosens your tongue. No wonder all salons are a hotbed of gossips.
Just as I was going to launch myself into a tirade of complains/ complications (ok, I agree, they are mostly imaginary)/ work bitching, my phone rang. Ma was on the line.
“Hi Ma! What’s up? How come you called in afternoon?”
“Beta, you remember maasi was suppose to come to Mumbai tomorrow, she has some work in passport office in the morning, but she said she may come to meet you in second half. Take her around na a little.”
“Hmm… ok. Will take out to lunch.” I said calculating mentally focusing on my schedule for tomorrow on how to fit in 2-3 hours extra. There was a beep for call waiting and I just check… Mummyji on the other line. I don’t know how… maybe mental telepathy or something, my ma and mother –in-law have this tendency of calling me at the same time, especially when I am enjoying doing some third thing. Sigh!
“Office call ma, will call you later. Love you. Bye!” (telling her that I am hanging up to talk to Mummyji will be close to sacriledge!)
“Paye lagoo Mummyji, kaisi hain aap?”
“Jeete raho beta, I called to say that Richa bhabhi has just had a baby girl.”
I choose to ignore the hidden connotations and say “Hmmph!” Why is it that mothers, mother-in-laws infact any female after the age of 30, if she gets married and has kids, talks only of husbands and kids? I wonder if all women are compulsory sent to a training camp where they are taught ways to harass all women under 30 or anyone who is single/ does not have or wish to have kids/ does not conform to the “auntydom” in general.
If there is such a list, please include my name in the ‘Do not call’ register!
“Beta, I know this is a bit early to ask you people, especially girls nowadays, but let me tell you when we were your age we already had kids, see Richa, shaadi ke ek saal bad hi usne apni saans ko poti ka mooh dikha diya (she has gifted her mom-in-law with a granddaughter after a year itself)”
“Hmmm.” Ok. So Richa has entered the hallowed halls of fame but would I want to do the same? Having a so called “bundle of joy” taking away all the joy out of the life by crying as if the tears will solve the whole world’s water crisis and doing poop and peep as and when it pleases (yes, yes I know you will call me mean, but then I never was gung ho on maternal instincts). No Thank you. I prefer my DINK status.
Anyways, without digressing, I just gave an exasperated look at A and told Mummyji that I was entering a meeting and will call her later.
While the talkathon was going on, A had finished scraping my ankles and making my feet pretty. I have observed that having pretty feet somehow always makes the footwear look good… but unfortunately not vice versa. Maybe that’s way people just blow their fortunes on pedicures. Pedicures to poverty…
For all you people (and there aren’t many) who were wondering about X and Y. Well, X in his own words has gone B2C (Back to Celibacy). Is that suppose to make me feel bad? Well, it does not. I gave him plenty of opportunities to atleast say something, anything, but he didn’t. Now any self respecting woman would never decline marriage for anyone who doesn’t even say anything! But it also doesn’t mean that I don’t miss him. It is the kiss that you miss the most … sex one can find anywhere, but kiss has a different intimacy. What if you just want a kiss? That’s when the heartache starts…
As for Y, he is (surprise, surprise!) turning domesticated. Never thought marriage would be his unwinding. Maybe, he is one of those guy who find security once they marry and mate. Hmmm… maybe.
N just started his blog …pretty cool his first post was. Check it out on this link http://urbanmysticity.blogspot.com/ (and incase N turns out to be familiar…cross your heart N, you won’t tell!)
Monday, January 28, 2008
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Safety Net
It was a Sunday afternoon and I was doing what I do best- reading newspapers. One of the side effects of working in public relations industry- can’t function without reading newspapers now. All newspapers had carried a report that day which calculated that if you take an average, a woman has been raped in every half hour in India since 1977. Shocking statistic. It also disturbed me more since I too belong to the same category – of being a woman.
Molestation, rape, murder, harassment – a paper won’t be complete without any news related to these or better, if a news on each, but that’s different story altogether. What bothered me most was if these numbers were true, we, as women, are indeed in much more trouble than we think. Why is this happening? Who is responsible for this? I can almost visualize all my female friends and colleagues blaming all the psychos, perverts, and men who think they are god’s gift to women. Are all men wolves and monsters? I don’t think so. There are enough nice men out there to support my statement (some of them we wish would do something without asking us first!).Blaming just men may not be an accurate answer. Convenient maybe, but a half truth still. Being completely honest to myself, I think somewhere along the line we as women have faltered too.
Imagine, one day when you wake up and find your husband/ brother/father doing the housework that usually you do or see your mothers do. What will you first think? (‘Wow!’ may come second or third on the list). Most common will be wondering to oneself “Is everything all right?” Some of you may even feel uncomfortable with the whole scenario. Doesn’t suit the conventional image right? There are some women who have families that divide the responsibilities equally, but then we are not talking about those. They are few and far between. Most of us have been bought up in a way where our fathers, brothers, chachas and alike have taken care of things unpleasant and unsafe. Being brought up in a smaller town I remember, for all late night parties (mostly birthday parties of friends. Discos and pubs are still unheard of and visited by girls who are ‘loose’ in character. Even the definition of ‘late night’ differs – nine or ten at night were considered extremely late for visiting anyone), we were dropped and picked up by papa or bhaiya. Sometimes little sister would also beg to accompany and mummy would (horror of horrors) comply and send her along… (better two than one … “you will be coming by 9:30 beta”). Ofcourse this sounds funny when one is living in Mumbai but 90% percent of India is still suffering this. We never protested, or rather were not given a chance to object. Never even thought there is anything wrong in this. They are just taking care of us aren’t they? How many of you women out there, even the self proclaimed ‘modern’ ones think that they can manage any situation by themselves? Hardly few. When we ourselves are not confident with our capabilities of self help, why blame others for taking advantage of it?
Let me give you a clearer example… two weeks back when I was traveling from home to office in a local train, a drunkard got in at one of the stations. Now local trains in Mumbai have demarcated compartments for convenience of passengers – men and women have separate compartments and men are not allowed to travel in the women compartments and most women follow the rule vice versa. Now I was travelling in a ladies first class compartment with around 30 more fellow passengers. The drunkard’s unwelcome arrival was greeted with horrified expressions and exchanged glances. Some women moved away from him. But that’s all. No one came forward and told him to go get lost. Finally three women came forward and shooed him off the train. What gave the drunkard so much courage to get on a compartment full of women? If all 30 of them would have come forward, I am sure he would have the guts to enter. Why do we expect some policeman or some male passenger in the adjoining compartment to bail us out in situations like these? Aren’t we strong enough? If a man has ever eve-teased you, have you ever gone back and shouted at him? If you have, then you know he would have most probably been shocked and then scared by your bold reaction. By not reacting, aren’t we passively encouraging people to take advantage of us? We are our self help, our own safety net and as Kiran Bedi puts it “Self Police”. I am not making excuses for male vile behaviour but at the same time, if we are self victimizing, we have no right to call them the offenders.
There is no place safe enough, no relationship secure enough and no attacker strong enough. We are own help. The day we start believing no one can touch us, no one will.
Molestation, rape, murder, harassment – a paper won’t be complete without any news related to these or better, if a news on each, but that’s different story altogether. What bothered me most was if these numbers were true, we, as women, are indeed in much more trouble than we think. Why is this happening? Who is responsible for this? I can almost visualize all my female friends and colleagues blaming all the psychos, perverts, and men who think they are god’s gift to women. Are all men wolves and monsters? I don’t think so. There are enough nice men out there to support my statement (some of them we wish would do something without asking us first!).Blaming just men may not be an accurate answer. Convenient maybe, but a half truth still. Being completely honest to myself, I think somewhere along the line we as women have faltered too.
Imagine, one day when you wake up and find your husband/ brother/father doing the housework that usually you do or see your mothers do. What will you first think? (‘Wow!’ may come second or third on the list). Most common will be wondering to oneself “Is everything all right?” Some of you may even feel uncomfortable with the whole scenario. Doesn’t suit the conventional image right? There are some women who have families that divide the responsibilities equally, but then we are not talking about those. They are few and far between. Most of us have been bought up in a way where our fathers, brothers, chachas and alike have taken care of things unpleasant and unsafe. Being brought up in a smaller town I remember, for all late night parties (mostly birthday parties of friends. Discos and pubs are still unheard of and visited by girls who are ‘loose’ in character. Even the definition of ‘late night’ differs – nine or ten at night were considered extremely late for visiting anyone), we were dropped and picked up by papa or bhaiya. Sometimes little sister would also beg to accompany and mummy would (horror of horrors) comply and send her along… (better two than one … “you will be coming by 9:30 beta”). Ofcourse this sounds funny when one is living in Mumbai but 90% percent of India is still suffering this. We never protested, or rather were not given a chance to object. Never even thought there is anything wrong in this. They are just taking care of us aren’t they? How many of you women out there, even the self proclaimed ‘modern’ ones think that they can manage any situation by themselves? Hardly few. When we ourselves are not confident with our capabilities of self help, why blame others for taking advantage of it?
Let me give you a clearer example… two weeks back when I was traveling from home to office in a local train, a drunkard got in at one of the stations. Now local trains in Mumbai have demarcated compartments for convenience of passengers – men and women have separate compartments and men are not allowed to travel in the women compartments and most women follow the rule vice versa. Now I was travelling in a ladies first class compartment with around 30 more fellow passengers. The drunkard’s unwelcome arrival was greeted with horrified expressions and exchanged glances. Some women moved away from him. But that’s all. No one came forward and told him to go get lost. Finally three women came forward and shooed him off the train. What gave the drunkard so much courage to get on a compartment full of women? If all 30 of them would have come forward, I am sure he would have the guts to enter. Why do we expect some policeman or some male passenger in the adjoining compartment to bail us out in situations like these? Aren’t we strong enough? If a man has ever eve-teased you, have you ever gone back and shouted at him? If you have, then you know he would have most probably been shocked and then scared by your bold reaction. By not reacting, aren’t we passively encouraging people to take advantage of us? We are our self help, our own safety net and as Kiran Bedi puts it “Self Police”. I am not making excuses for male vile behaviour but at the same time, if we are self victimizing, we have no right to call them the offenders.
There is no place safe enough, no relationship secure enough and no attacker strong enough. We are own help. The day we start believing no one can touch us, no one will.
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