Rain on my window

I woke up to the sound of water. It was raining. At first I thought it was the terrace water tank overflowing again. My landlady has this habit of putting on the water pump at oddest hours, sometimes in the middle of night and suddenly you are jolted awake to the sound of falling water. I yawned and looked at the watch 11:45 pm. Well, not that late. The sound was much softer than gushing water and pulling the curtain, sitting on the elevated verandah next to my bed, I saw minute droplets of water spraying on the glass window…

I love rains. They make me nostalgic, happy, pensive and romantic in equal measures. My earliest memory of rains is jumping deliberately into water puddles in an oversized raincoat (to save my school bag as well from getting wet) and splashing the brown muddy water all over the white uniform. I used to love the fact that we were allowed to remove our wet and queasy shoes and socks at school on rainy days. The rough school floor always had a strange comfortable feel to it. The phone beeped, breaking my thoughts.

X had messaged asking if I was sleeping…

“I am a one man woman, I can’t even think of breaking someone’s trust”, I retorted to D. We were lying on the bed, too full after lunch at my place. The stillness gave some time for the food to settle into the inter-molecular spaces and allowed us to move again. “Hmmm… it is hard to remain in one state, be it for a human, or a feeling. You never know…”
That was four years back.

Now I surprise myself into wondering how can one person love two people at the same time? And if it’s wrong why doesn’t it feel wrong to be with X, why does his touch feels so good, or why when he kisses me, my knees give a funny feeling? I feel the same way about Y. Sometimes I wonder is this what it feels like…bittersweet… when you have tiny cracks in your glass wall.

“No, I am awake. Looking at the rain.”
“I miss you”
“Me too”
I wish I could kiss you X, feel your lips over mine, feel your skin, the way you smell immediately after you shave, the mixture of aftershave and soap, I wish I could hold you tight. I also wish I could go back in time and have my perfect glass wall again.

I sighed and went back to bed… Y was snoring softly. I spooned into him and snuggled into a deep comforting sleep.

Correspondence

From: iambeautiful<iambeautiful@gmail.com>
Date: Nov 13, 2008 1:36 PM
Subject: How could you?
To: tunawhatcurry@gmail.com

Dear “Fishcurry”,

Not that I want to call you “dear” but unlike you I still believe in politeness. I can’t even say that I was happy to see you at T’s wedding. I was planning to come but then thought maybe you would be too busy to attend family ceremonies (you never care a damn about family get-together do you?). I can never understand how such good people as Ma and Dad (yours) can give birth to such a wild child. I am ashamed to say that you are my sister after what happened last night. How could you? Even though she quite enjoyed meeting my other two exes, I am shattered! And what about this “I haven’t reached that stage yet? What the hell were you girls talking about?

I have spoken to Ma (yours) and she has promised me that she will call you and ask you to say sorry for your behaviour. This is just not done. Dad (yours) is just too busy to pick up my phone and listen to me. And don’t think just because I am writing to you I have forgotten how on Ma and Dad’s (yours) 25th anniversary, you displayed our old family photographs, one having my naked picture in the group! I still get livid thinking about it. It was extremely embarrassing, staring at my naked picture sitting on the potty and showing bum. I have still not forgiven you.

How could you be such a bitch!

Thanks but no thanks

G

From: tunawhatcurry@gmail.com
Date: Nov 13, 2008 2:36 PM
Subject: Re: How could you?
To: iambeautiful

Dear Dear G,

Since you didn’t want to call me “Dear” in the first place, I thought writing it twice will suffice for both of us eh? When did you last have your medical checkup? You should try Zen meditation… will lower you BP (I think you must be having it? Shouting like the way you do?)

You still even remember that 25th anniversary party? You were 2 year old in that pic and all two year old bums look alike. So don’t worry, no one knows except the “family” as you call it. As for how I got into …err… being that will be best answered by Ma and Dad (mine). Although my personal opinion is Dad (mine) will be shocked that a 30 year old still wants a biology lesson. All I can say to help your cause is Ma (mine) had a lot of rumballs when she was pregnant.

Your current girlfriend, apparently is a lot more intelligent than you, and you will be pleased to know one of your exes (that she managed to bump into, I DID NOT push her) is her batch mate. We are going to see some interesting times aren’t we? And don’t worry they only told me that you haven’t gone…err… all the way yet. I think you took those moral science lessons too seriously. Whatever you say I am happy to note that we share the same gene pool and I am always there for you…

Yours truly,

Bitch
P.S. Are you gay by any chance? All hints point to it.… you can tell me. I would love to have a gay brother. It’s “handsome” not “beautiful”.