2009

I may have to live with some new experiences in 2009. No, I am not going to (thankfully, cause I think it has already overdone with) talk about the Mumbai attacks (not unless I actually plan to do something), or talk about resolutions or list of places I intend to travel in this year. I am going to write about somethings, that on the face of it looks small, but sinks down and these are the things that come back when you lie down on the bed, in someone’s arms or alone and well… think about them (what else can one do I suppose?)

Y doesn’t like X – We talk about female intuitions, so powerful and sometimes so accurate. What I have realized is we are all humans after a point, our gender doesn’t differentiate us. When it comes to a relationship, if you love someone deep enough, you instantly gauge if something is different. Maybe he feels it? My female intuition says so. Why is it that he always frowns when X messages, or doesn’t like the funny anecdotes or jokes I read out from X’s messages? I think male intuition works as well.

X found out my blog – yes he has, yes he read everything, yes it is my stupidity (I mailed him a post… forgetting the existence of Google) and yes he likes it (well I would too if someone wrote a book on me!). What do I do? Well, it ranges from being embarrassed that well, whatever you think or fabricate (now I shall have to insist on some parts being “fabricated” isn’t it?) is on display to the person you never wanted to show it to (other being Y) to cool nonchalance and actually asking “How you find it? ofcourse it is not you, just a little inspiration you see …” (My pride always rescues me, who says pride goes before a fall?)

Object of my affection – this has been the most weird experience of my life. X called one morning to say he has had the most devastating experience of his life. My genetics command that my thinking process goes from worst to better, now ‘devastating’ can’t be good so my thoughts ranged from what if he lost his job to what if he has been diagnosed with AIDS? (Now that really freaked me out). What I got to know later that his ‘love’ of his life got married and didn’t tell him. I also happen to know that the ‘love’ apparently had a breakup three years back but X being X still pinning for her felt his world has ended. I felt his pain, but I draw a line on being the sounding board or a shoulder to cry on from my object of affection for someone else! I am sorry X, I know you will read it and you won’t like it, but you won’t say it. (But then it is my blog, my thoughts, you discovered it and well…live with it). An aftereffect that he may be missing in all his mess is it has somehow made him more approachable, more demonstrative and I can say more human. I think the whole world revolves around hope. More than money, love, power it is the hope of getting the love, money and power that keeps us kicking and when that goes away, survival kicks in. Maybe same is happening with X, he says hope is gone, so what does one do when hope itself is gone? He reaches out to whatever he can cling to… shreds of comfort, people and maybe past memories until hope comes back (and it does). So while he struggles and clings, I just pray it happens sooner than later. As for me, I wonder, does he love her or the memory of her?

I don’t know how will 2010 be when I ponder on these points… will they be there still? Or will I choose to drift away? I know if I was X or for that matter Y, I would have stored myself in a box, placed it in a remote corner of the heart and would have thrown away the key…

Meow Meow

After much thought and deliberation, I think my esteemed cat – Freddie should get a mention in this not so esteemed blog. Why a cat? Well, to start with, after last weekend, I thought I should write on the a tirade on

- Our neglect of responsible citizen duty
- Sadness on such a beautiful Taj Colaba building destroyed (where I attended umpteen conferences, wonder what happened to Crystal hall and ball room? Will they look the same again?)
- Fear of stepping inside Oberoi again, where 90% of my client meetings take place
- Frustration on the government laid back attitude and lastly
- Anger. Anger on why? Why this senseless massacre?

But then, I thought, what the use of writing this is? Unless, I actually get up and do something to resolve any of these points, am I not being one of those million people in India, who are going to dissect it to death, then just shrug and say it is hopeless and carry on with their hum drum lives? Anyways, instead I decided to talk about something more cheerful. Something like my cat.

Did I mention in this blog before that I have a cat? I think not. His name is Freddie, four legs, green eyes, whiskers, black ears and tail – the whole works. Apart from an essay on him, I can also say now (and with a considerable amount of envy) that he is soon becoming the most privileged member of our family.

He is allowed to sit on the dinning table (something I was never allowed to, for the sheer fear that it may break into two) at gran ma’s place. He came home one Sunday afternoon, when after lunch I was too full and lazy to actually get up from my chair to shoo him away. Y took pity on him and gave him milk to drink which he greedily gulped away and started meowing for more. Maybe it was written on Y’s face that he is sucker for all things feline and more charity ensued. What followed (and which is now a set pattern) was Freddie comes everyday, he sometimes even sleeps in. Everyone at home has mellowed to him- including me…

All events of our life have a trickle down effect. We may not realize it that time but it is true nonetheless. With Freddie, it has been the same. I buy more milk. I eat more vegetarian – not because I really want to, but because whenever there is a non vegetarian dish being made, I invariably end up giving half of what I eat to Freddie. I may cook vegetarian food, for him its fish/prawns/meat everyday. He even has a thing for butterscotch ice-cream! (Branded cat I say) I don’t go out so much cause I worry he will stay hungry. I am sure if not anyone else then Menaka Gandhi will be proud me. My friends think he is extremely cute (I think Freddie thinks he is good looking too, going by his airs). S and P went gaga over his picture and B wanted to know if I am getting him back to Mumbai. Y gave him the ultimate honour last month. Freddie became ‘Freddie Chutiya’.

I don’t know whether it is a common Indian male or rather any male phenomenon (didn’t find any research on it) that the more they like something or someone, the more they use profanity for it. Like when I saw my best two buddies meet after six years first thing they said was “salee MC/BC (I hope you know the full form) kahan the itne saal kami**” I had a hard time keeping my face from turning beet red. This was a few years back. Now (thanks mostly to taxi drivers in India), I don’t even bat an eyelid. So I think Freddie has made quite an inroad to Y’s heart and the name has caught on... even Freddie responds when we call him Freddie Chutia!

Thinking on these lines I think I can safely put it in my Christmas wish-list that I definitely don’t mind being a cat in my next life!