Correspondence

From: iambeautiful<iambeautiful@gmail.com>
Date: Nov 13, 2008 1:36 PM
Subject: How could you?
To: tunawhatcurry@gmail.com

Dear “Fishcurry”,

Not that I want to call you “dear” but unlike you I still believe in politeness. I can’t even say that I was happy to see you at T’s wedding. I was planning to come but then thought maybe you would be too busy to attend family ceremonies (you never care a damn about family get-together do you?). I can never understand how such good people as Ma and Dad (yours) can give birth to such a wild child. I am ashamed to say that you are my sister after what happened last night. How could you? Even though she quite enjoyed meeting my other two exes, I am shattered! And what about this “I haven’t reached that stage yet? What the hell were you girls talking about?

I have spoken to Ma (yours) and she has promised me that she will call you and ask you to say sorry for your behaviour. This is just not done. Dad (yours) is just too busy to pick up my phone and listen to me. And don’t think just because I am writing to you I have forgotten how on Ma and Dad’s (yours) 25th anniversary, you displayed our old family photographs, one having my naked picture in the group! I still get livid thinking about it. It was extremely embarrassing, staring at my naked picture sitting on the potty and showing bum. I have still not forgiven you.

How could you be such a bitch!

Thanks but no thanks

G

From: tunawhatcurry@gmail.com
Date: Nov 13, 2008 2:36 PM
Subject: Re: How could you?
To: iambeautiful

Dear Dear G,

Since you didn’t want to call me “Dear” in the first place, I thought writing it twice will suffice for both of us eh? When did you last have your medical checkup? You should try Zen meditation… will lower you BP (I think you must be having it? Shouting like the way you do?)

You still even remember that 25th anniversary party? You were 2 year old in that pic and all two year old bums look alike. So don’t worry, no one knows except the “family” as you call it. As for how I got into …err… being that will be best answered by Ma and Dad (mine). Although my personal opinion is Dad (mine) will be shocked that a 30 year old still wants a biology lesson. All I can say to help your cause is Ma (mine) had a lot of rumballs when she was pregnant.

Your current girlfriend, apparently is a lot more intelligent than you, and you will be pleased to know one of your exes (that she managed to bump into, I DID NOT push her) is her batch mate. We are going to see some interesting times aren’t we? And don’t worry they only told me that you haven’t gone…err… all the way yet. I think you took those moral science lessons too seriously. Whatever you say I am happy to note that we share the same gene pool and I am always there for you…

Yours truly,

Bitch
P.S. Are you gay by any chance? All hints point to it.… you can tell me. I would love to have a gay brother. It’s “handsome” not “beautiful”.