I would want him to wake me up with a kiss and hug me and look into my eyes. I would want to start the day with he making love to me and whispering in my ear ‘I love you’. But this is what I want, and as ‘wants’ go, this is usually not I have.
In reality I was sitting across him eating my breakfast at Mondegar having a discussion on being ‘disturbed’. (The reality before that was, well yes, he did make love to me and then told me later I am stinking (well what more do you expect living in Mumbai in a muggy weather and first thing in the morning… smelling of strawberries?). It did make me sprint and take a shower though, and we came down to eat breakfast at Mondys as people of Mumbai call it.
He claimed that for being a good writer you have to be disturbed. If you see all good ones, most of them were/are disturbed. He further claimed that he was pretty disturbed too. I simply shrugged as I think some of it is simply fear of facing the facts that stare at him on his face. We fell silent after that, he sipping his coffee, I enjoying the warmth of my tea cup in my palms…
Does being disturbed make him a good writer? I guess, after all he does write well, but I wondered whether the corollary is also true? I don’t think so. Besides how disturbed is disturbed?
This was two weeks back. Now lying on my bed during a power cut (this is slowly becoming a regular feature- nothing better to do in this heat) and staring at my glow stars I have stuck on my ceiling, I realized that ‘disturbed’ may make for good writers but bad lovers. May be because being ‘disturbed’ sometimes means drowning in your spiral of depression and self pity. When two people entangle (I won’t use ‘fall’ as maybe between us it was/is never intentional) in relationship, how does the gray area of understanding work? And if everything has to be ‘understood’, then why do people talk, write and think about affection, the great stress on spending time together, the golden rule of communication- being in touch? As D says the foundation or the love or hate in any relationship is just like a prime piece of land in the middle of the city. What it finally turns to – a mall, high-rise or slums, is in the hand of the land owner.
I also wondered whether this is really the end and are we drifting apart? When one feels something for the first time, the impact is much more. And if not, why does the heart ache so much? (And it really doesn’t do one bit for my ego).
It’s almost funny that the man I started calling jokingly X, is slowly drifting away from me - maybe becoming an ‘ex’
6 comments:
writng, is a reaction.it often happens'later'.the picture with all its emotional details will be preserved and refregirated as a 'disturbance'.when that part of our brain which is caught in the habit of recreating images feels its need to be addressed takes those 'freezed images' and warm them into certain degree centigrade..then we serve it hot..
in that sense, yes writing often is the reaction to 'disturbance.
but writing can also be funny.though always the urge to get addressed remains.
nice post..
wishes..
Dear MIP,
Yeah, you have put it in a very logical way... are you a teacher by profession by any chance? :)
You are right, just after I wrote this, things fell into place and it was like erase and rewind...
Hows Baby B?
I think open talk helps.. this understanding one another is only the beginning part of a relationship.. Be open and talk it out
Haiku Poems
Hey Tuna,
Sorry for being out of the scene for so long and thanks for dropping in that comment. I felt nice.
Have read your blog from where I left it last to this post. I love the way you express. So simple yet thought provoking, so straight and poignant...
And I must say there z a lot happening in your life but what is the fun in life without some action??? Right???
I understand how must be feeling. But all I wanna say is there are times when we should just leave things the way they are.... The moments, the circumstances are beautiful by being just what they are. Dont try n reason them out. Just let them be and enjoy every moment as it comes. Let time take its own course.
As somebody once told me "Apne mann a ho to achha, apne mann ka na ho to aur bhi achha kyunki usme waqt aur bhagwan ki marzi hoti hai..."
May you find peace within!!! All the best... :)
I guess it is a phase, I don't really know. I am a kid to such things right now. :). But things will work out.
You bought out a good thing here. Disturbed for being a good writer is quite a correct thing, but being disturbed doesn't really includes drowning in the spiral of depression. Self pity is there, we tend to imagine ourselves in dire situations and cry to ourselves. It is a game with the mind, you feel low and you think of ways the world can torment us. Yeah self pity is there, but I don't agree on depression. See when you are disturbed in such a way, you tend to respect yourselves for the right things you did, you have pride on yourself. Normally you a disturbed maniac who laughs on the world for troubling him or curse the fate. But you never lose your nerves or are depressed. Mr. X won't become your ex, he seems too smart for doing such a thing. Tell him that. :)
Hi,
Gosh! Thank so much. I never thought you guys will boost my morale so much ... thank you. Actually I guess was going through a low moment... usually, I would have kicked him on the butt, locked the door and watched TV :)
Thanks once again :)
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