Ear to Ear

It started as a slight flicker, a strange sensation as if a mosquito is moving its wing at high frequency. I ignored it. Next day it increased, it felt as if the passageway inside is as bad as western express highway. Then it hit… with all its force. The bloody cold choked my ears and there I was … half deaf and howling with pain. Everyone was coming with their own advice ofcourse. It has ranged from “Don’t take anything, it will go away” (yeah, right, easy for you to say. I am the one who is already dead with these demons banging their hammers into my ear drum), “take Otec and these antibiotics and follow the whole course beta” to “just put some warm brandy into the ear, and it will clear”.

Personally I liked the last option (due to my inherent attraction towards alcohol I guess), but didn’t have the guts to try it, so stuck to second one… not that it is helping. It is surprising what all comes to your mind when you are lying in a corner howling with pain and can’t help it. At that point of time, precisely these thoughts came into my mind in chronological order:

Ma: Yes, very natural, childish and immature but I wanted Mommy! Nothing more, but just to rest my head on her lap. Sometimes I wonder what I will do when she is gone. Ofcourse she lives like 500km away, but still it is like when love is gone, there is force. When force is gone there is chocolate, and when chocolate also goes away… there is Ma.

Marriage, Babies, X and Y: I am petrified of marriage and contrary to all my friends, who simply adore babies, I am not so gung-ho about them. I like babies for exactly 5 minutes, after that they usually cry, pee, shit or poke their finger into your eye. If I ever made a movie starring me and X and Y what would my picture look like? D says we will have original starcast: sure the credits would run something like starring “me” (fat but can dance well – very important in Hindi cinema), X (balding hero, can deliver mean dialogues) and Y (good looking, in an unconventional sort of way, but needs some practice in romance dept). Hmm… won’t work. Sigh!

What is the first memory I can remember? I back tracked and found out that surprisingly, it neither has my mom nor dad but my grandfather’s brother scolding me in the rain! I don’t remember my age… maybe 2-3 years old and it’s pouring with hailstones and I think I went outside started eating them (hailstones). Maybe it stems from childhood, but I always find hailstones fascinating. When science was a mystery, always thought god is having a snow fight.

No good programme comes on TV when you most need it and lastly

Where the hell is my phone!

Merci Beaucoup

Sitting in the darkness (no electricity for 2 hours due to some fault) and staring at the ceiling, I felt I need to thank these people/factors in my life:

1. GOD: Thank you god for making me a female. That means I have to go through chums every month and not to forget the pain with it. I think it would really be making people around me happy to see me (and suffer with me) the hundred mood swings in a day during PMS and be a human personification of a cactus in general. If this pain is what they say is magnified during child birth, I think I have a newfound respect and awe for mothers… past, future and present.

2. Mr. X: What would I do without you? Actually I am finding that out since you are in one of your 2400 moods in a 24 hour day (for the uninitiated in mathematics that makes around 100 moods in a hour, more than a mood in a minute, and I am NOT talking about Moods- the condom) when you want to hibernate. Since your chief interests lies somewhere between sleeping with me and sleeping with me, it makes you so irresistible na?

3. Mr. Y: I love you. I really do. We have been through the thick and thin. It is because of you and your love that I have grown to like psychotic, ego maniacs. It really makes me happy to be your unintentional doormat and really makes me guilty that I blow off your money whenever I can lay my hands on it (I know I don’t get too many opportunities for it as I would like to have… you are being careful). If living with you is such a pleasurable experience, I can’t wait to get married! (Don’t worry darling, I will never leave you for X, ever.)

4. Parents: I am really thankful to you. Not sarcastic, really am. I know I really made you both go through hell (but you have to agree it was vice versa), but no one puts up with me like you both do. And I will never say this on your face dad, but I really love you, even when you are being a totally stuck up 60 year old.

5. PAN Dept: Lastly, my utmost gratitude goes to the PAN Dept. Since loosing my PAN Card last year (that also reminds me to thank the thief who stole my wallet at Malad station – my visit for the first and last time in Malad) I have lost count of the endless mails I have written to them and forms I have filled and sent for a duplicate one, it has resulted in vast improvement of my writing skills. I also want to thank them for being so prompt to let me know after 8 months of application that they have received my application but in addition to my proof of identity (a copy of my passport) they have not received my proof of address (copy of a passport- what a coincidence!). So I may have to reapply again. Thank You!